The Common Cold is the most dishonest of the viruses. The Cold will lie to you every damn time, whereas with The Flu, Covid, Marburg, or even The Chicken Pox, you know you’re sick.
No question at all.
Those other virus dudes are quite direct in their approach. They simply punch you in the fuckin’ throat and body slam you to the floor, where you are staying until they are done with you.
But that slimy weasel, The Cold, well he lies to you… “Oh yeah Pat, you took all that NyQuil and got a good night’s sleep, you are feeling great this morning. You should go for a run!” **
That sneaky bastard will even let you take a shower, get dressed, lace up your shoes, and stretch. Then, as soon as you are like ten feet out the door, he will yank the carpet out from under you, smashing your freakin’ head on the curb, and you will have to crawl back home, hoping you have enough strength to reach up and turn the doorknob in order to try and make it to your bed before you die.
Having a Cold is a lot like watching a cat play with a mouse. Glance away for a moment, and when you look back, you have a mouse with a missing head and a cat that’s sitting there calmly licking its paws like he’s king of the living room.
Yeah, you just can’t trust “The Cold”, it’s a lying dirtbag of the first magnitude.
Don’t be fooled!
Ok, that seems to be all the energy I have for a rant this morning. I am going to try and sneak under my own backstabbing Cold’s radar long enough to get back upstairs to bed, take some more drugs, and crash.
Happy freaking New Year.
** Let’s be clear here. Pat does NOT run for anything that is not life-threatening. If you see Pat running, you know something VERY bad is chasing him, and you should probably run too!
